Man, I'm in a good mood today. The sun is shining; everything is great. Totally different from yesterday. Ah, that's the way I am. A roller-coaster of emotions. Always.
I am facing the possibility of being pregnant this month. *Deep breath. Smile. Deep breath* Not sure how I feel about that. It's a little crazy.
I've been saying for months -- years actually -- that four was all I'd be having. And yet, the Lord has His own way of getting His own way. Crazy. And yet, I always trust Him. Always.
The fact is, I'm a control freak, but I hate feeling responsible for things. So I'd much rather let somebody else make the decisions. I'd much rather leave it in the Lord's hands. Typically, I give Him my list of what I want, He allows me the top two items, and we end up tossing out the rest.
I will accept His will. This will be difficult, but I know that in the end, I'll be happy.
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
AAAARRRRGH!!! I absolutely HATE when I do that.
November 17 -- transferred from myspace blog
I'm not one to blurt out my feelings as soon as they well up in me. I'm simply one to let them simmer and simmer until they all come boiling out. I think and think and think about things until they drive me nuts and then I just have to write them down and share them with somebody.
This wouldn't be such a bad thing, except that so often, I share these things with people who never asked and who probably hardly care. I did that this morning – basically told my life story to someone who hardly knows me. UGH! I hate when I do that. And I do it rather often.
Whenever it happens, I end up getting immersed in insecurity; a million questions surround my brain. Why did I do that? What will he think of me? Will he ever look at me the same again? Why do I even care? Why do I always have to defend myself even when I'm not directly being attacked? Why do I have this insane incessant need to tell my entire life story to strangers? Why is it so damn important to me to be understood? Why? Why? Why?
I don't want to be the person who lives on the edge of society when I'm on this site. That's why I don't post my real name. Whenever I'm here, I just want to be the person who knows and loves music. That's all. Nothing more. Ugh, I drive myself crazy.
I'm not one to blurt out my feelings as soon as they well up in me. I'm simply one to let them simmer and simmer until they all come boiling out. I think and think and think about things until they drive me nuts and then I just have to write them down and share them with somebody.
This wouldn't be such a bad thing, except that so often, I share these things with people who never asked and who probably hardly care. I did that this morning – basically told my life story to someone who hardly knows me. UGH! I hate when I do that. And I do it rather often.
Whenever it happens, I end up getting immersed in insecurity; a million questions surround my brain. Why did I do that? What will he think of me? Will he ever look at me the same again? Why do I even care? Why do I always have to defend myself even when I'm not directly being attacked? Why do I have this insane incessant need to tell my entire life story to strangers? Why is it so damn important to me to be understood? Why? Why? Why?
I don't want to be the person who lives on the edge of society when I'm on this site. That's why I don't post my real name. Whenever I'm here, I just want to be the person who knows and loves music. That's all. Nothing more. Ugh, I drive myself crazy.
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