All day yesterday I didn’t feel pregnant. I wasn’t waddling or aching or sighing from exhaustion. I was simply me again. And I felt good for a while. But I felt guilt too.
A friend of mine has a two year old daughter, comatose in the hospital. The family found her a few days ago at the bottom of their pool and she hasn’t woken since.
I prayed for the family during my morning walk, before school lessons, at lunch time, while grocery shopping, and all through the hour it took me to prepare a meal for them. I was happy to offer up all that I could. Yet my frustration with myself crept up all around me, reminding me of how much I’ve fallen short of my own ideal of motherhood. I wanted to do better and yet I was still not ready to completely let go of myself – to surrender — once again.
No comments:
Post a Comment