Reason is my friend.

Letters I've written,

Never meaning to send.

Beauty I'd always missed

With these eyes before,

Just what the truth is

I cant say anymore.

-- Moody Blues, Nights in White Satin

It's pretty bad when you pride yourself on being an honest person and you start singing songs like this one. I'm typically a very honest person, except when I'm lying to myself. I don't even recall ever telling a straight-out lie, ever. You could say I have a bad memory, but my memory is very good, actually. Hey, I remember President Carter, waist-lenght hair, knee-high socks, and pea-green appliances from the 70s, don't I?

I never was good at keeping a poker face. People can see right through me most of the time. Even when I try to hide, I just can't. That's why I was never the best at customer service. If I was having a bad day, it was written all over my face and if I was doing just fine, well, people still thought I was having a bad day, but that's another story. Equanimity is not something I readily strive for, although I'm sure it would do me much good.

Not being enslaved to your passions is true freedom, for sure. I look at the many rock gods who've thrown it all away with drug ODs, cigarette-caused cancer, drinking-caused cancer, heart-brokenness syndrome, bullets to the brain and I have to ask -- Is it worth it to be so emotionally raw all the time? Still, I get conned by this "follow your passion" culture of mine.

I must learn to work with reason. Reason is my friend. Reason IS my friend. Embrace it. Love it. Carry it around where-ever I go. I'll have to play this tape regularly for many years to get the full hang of it, I'm sure.