Nine Inch Nails is playing at the Voodoo Music Festival in a couple weeks. I listened to a live version of Hurt tonight. That song -- oh, that song seeped into me and I couldn't forget it all night. In my mind, I hear him singing it. Not that he owns that song. I owned it in my pre-FUS life, not him. But still, I hear him singing that song and I want to make everything better for him. Even though I know I can't. Even though I know he wouldn't let me if I tried.
See, I'm the person who wants to tame the wolf. I'm the one who wants to make the jaguar purr. But he's a wolf, he's a jaguar; there's no desire on his part, or on the part of any other man like him, to lick anyone's hand, to submit to being stroked along the nape of the neck. He acknowledges no need for anyone but himself. So of what use am I? None.
All I can do is pray and sacrifice and hope. But those things are difficult when he flat out says he's happy with his no-need-for-love life and he's not interested in changing. I had to decrease so that the Almighty could increase. I've accepted that. Still, I hear that song in my head and it just tears at my heart. God bless him. God bless everyone of them, stalking along, loners in life with no need for anyone like me. I pray for them constantly.
No comments:
Post a Comment